Look, I’ve sat through some rough SNL episodes in my time. We all have. It’s part of the deal when you’re a fan – some weeks hit, some weeks miss, and some weeks you’re checking your phone halfway through Weekend Update. But Dakota Johnson hosting? With Taylor Swift showing up? This should’ve been appointment television. Instead, it was the kind of trainwreck that makes you wonder if anyone in that writers’ room is actually awake.

When Star Power Can’t Save Bad Writing

The cold open had potential, I’ll give them that. Republicans scrambling before midterms, trotting out their biggest names for desperate campaign ads – it’s ripe for comedy. Marco Rubio blaming everything on Trump in Spanish? That’s actually pretty good. Mitch McConnell rolled in like he’s on a hospital gurney just to flash a peace sign? I laughed.

But then it just kept going. And going. JD Vance trying to pitch his 2028 run and getting laughed out of the room – sure, fine. Colin Jost as Pete Hegseth chugging “Spider-Man’s new non-alcoholic bitch beer” and telling people to “do the gayest thing ever and vote”? This is where you could feel the sketch losing steam. The show leaned way too hard on Jost’s Hegseth, like they thought the casting choice alone would carry the bit.

And then James Austin Johnson’s Trump comes in to ramble about five-grand checks (“that’s not a bribe because I have no intention to follow through on that promise”) and test terrible slogans like “imagination makes a Maga nation.” The idea is there – Trump recording both victory and concession speeches that are identical – but the execution felt lazy. Like they wrote it in 20 minutes and called it good enough.

Better Than Last Week Isn’t Saying Much

Here’s the thing: when your bar is “better than last week’s cold open,” you’re already in trouble. That’s grading on a curve so steep it’s basically vertical.

Dakota Johnson Looked Lost Out There

I want to be fair to Dakota Johnson. She’s great in The Verity (I’m assuming that’s what brought her to SNL’s attention). But live comedy is a completely different beast, and she looked like someone who desperately wanted to be anywhere else. The awkwardness wasn’t charming – it was painful. You could see her trying to hit the rhythms, trying to land the jokes, and just… not getting there.

It doesn’t help when the writing is this weak. Even the most experienced hosts struggle when the material isn’t there. But Johnson seemed genuinely uncomfortable with the whole format, like she was reading cue cards for the first time in every sketch. I’ve seen hosts bomb before, but usually there’s at least one sketch where they find their groove. Not this time.

Taylor Swift’s Cameo Was Peak Desperation

And then Taylor Swift showed up. Your big surprise cameo. Your insurance policy against a bad episode. The ace up your sleeve.

It didn’t work.

Not gonna lie, when I heard Swift made a surprise appearance, I got excited for about five seconds. Because Swift can be funny – we’ve seen it. She’s got timing, she doesn’t take herself too seriously, and she’s genuinely game for comedy when the material is there. But you can’t just throw a superstar into a sketch and expect it to magically become good. The writing has to exist first.

Whatever sketch Swift popped up in (and honestly, it wasn’t even memorable enough for me to recall the specifics), it felt like exactly what it was: a Hail Mary pass from producers who knew the episode was sinking. “Maybe if we get Taylor, people won’t notice how bad everything else is.” Spoiler alert – we noticed.

The Real Problem Nobody Wants to Talk About

SNL has been coasting on celebrity cameos and political cold opens for years now. Every week it’s the same formula: open with Trump/Biden/whoever’s in the news, throw in some famous faces, hope that goes viral on social media, and then limp through the rest of the episode with half-baked sketches that feel like first drafts.

The cast is talented. The hosts are usually game. But the writing? It’s been sub-par for a while now, and episodes like this one just make it impossible to ignore. You can feel the room collectively shrugging and going “eh, good enough” on sketches that need three more rewrites.

I mean, this is supposed to be the second episode of the season. You’re supposed to be coming in hot, building momentum, proving that SNL still matters in 2025. Instead, we got an episode so forgettable that the only thing people will remember is “oh yeah, that’s the one where Taylor Swift showed up and it still sucked.”

What This Actually Means

Here’s what frustrates me most: SNL used to take risks. It used to be weird and unexpected and willing to fail spectacularly in pursuit of something genuinely funny. Now it feels safe. Calculated. Like every decision is made by committee with one eye on Twitter engagement metrics.

Dakota Johnson didn’t ruin this episode – she was just the face of something that’s been broken for a while. And Taylor Swift couldn’t save it because you can’t save something that never had a foundation to begin with. The writing was weak, the sketches were undercooked, and no amount of star power was going to fix that.

Maybe next week will be better. Maybe the writers will actually put in the work instead of relying on famous faces to do the heavy lifting. But I’m not holding my breath. Because this is what SNL is now – occasionally brilliant, frequently mediocre, and too often just plain bad. And all the surprise cameos in the world won’t change that until someone in that building decides good writing actually matters again.