These “Friends” Need a Reality Check, Like, Yesterday
So, here’s the deal. A woman – let’s call her Sarah, because, why not – she posts on a community forum, right? Just trying to figure out if she’s gone completely bonkers. Her question? Basically, “Is it normal for friends to visit you for a week and not pay for a single blessed thing?” And I’m sitting here, reading this, thinking, “Normal? Honey, no. That is not normal. That’s a five-alarm fire of social etiquette breakdown.”
The story, as it usually goes, is simple enough on the surface but boils my blood when you dig in. Sarah had these “vacation friends” – you know the type, you meet them somewhere fun, you hit it off, you promise to stay in touch, maybe even plan a visit. Fast forward, and these friends actually take her up on the offer. They fly out, stay at her place for seven glorious days. And here’s where my jaw hit the floor: not only did they not offer to pay for any of their own food or activities, they didn’t even offer to chip in for anything Sarah was already providing. Not a single grocery run. Not a dinner out. Nothing. Zip. Zero. Zilch.
I Mean, What Even Are We Talking About Here?
Now, I’m not some penny-pinching ogre. I love having guests. I genuinely do. There’s a joy in sharing your space, your city, your life with people you care about. But there’s a massive, gaping canyon between being a generous host and being taken for a literal ride. Sarah was apparently footing the bill for everything. Every meal. Every outing. Every little convenience. And these “friends”? They just… accepted it. As if it was their birthright.
She wrote, “Surely this is not normal.” And you know what? No, Sarah, it is not normal. And frankly, it’s rude. It’s unbelievably rude.
Who Raised These People? Seriously.
I’m trying to wrap my head around the thought process here. Or lack thereof. Are these folks just completely oblivious? Do they genuinely not understand how money works? Or are they just so incredibly entitled that they assume everyone else’s resources are their personal piggy bank? It’s baffling. It really is.
I’ve had friends stay over. Good friends. And you know what happens? They bring a bottle of wine. They insist on taking you out to dinner. They grab groceries. They offer to cook. They ask, “What can I get you?” when you’re making coffee. That’s just… basic human decency, isn’t it? It’s not some advanced calculus of social interaction. It’s the bare minimum.
“The thing is, hospitality is a two-way street. It’s about generosity from the host, yes, but it’s also about respect and consideration from the guest. When one side is doing all the giving and the other is doing all the taking, it stops being friendship and starts looking an awful lot like exploitation.”
The Silent Costs of Hosting – It’s Not Just About Money
And let’s be real, hosting isn’t just about the money, though that’s a huge part of it when you’re talking about a week’s worth of expenses for multiple people. It’s also about your time. Your energy. Your mental load. You’re cleaning, you’re planning, you’re entertaining, you’re probably making sure they have fresh towels and enough coffee. You’re essentially running a small, unpaid bed-and-breakfast. And for your “friends” to just passively accept all of that, without even a polite offer to contribute? That’s not just financially draining, it’s emotionally draining. It makes you feel like an ATM with a spare bedroom.
And here’s another thing: what kind of relationship is this building? A healthy friendship is built on reciprocity, right? On a give-and-take. If someone is perfectly happy to let you bankroll their entire vacation, what does that say about how they view your friendship? Or, more importantly, how they view you? Not gonna lie, it says they don’t value you enough to respect your finances or your effort. And that, my friends, is a problem. A big problem.
What This Actually Means
So, what’s the takeaway from all this? Is it that we need to start sending itemized bills to our houseguests? Probably not, unless you want to lose those “friends” real fast. But maybe, just maybe, it means we need to have a little chat with ourselves – and our guests – about what’s okay and what’s not.
For hosts: don’t be afraid to set expectations, even gently. A simple, “Hey, I’m so excited for you to visit! Just so you know, we usually do groceries together, or grab dinner out a few nights. What do you guys think?” Can go a long way. And if they don’t respond well to that, well, maybe they’re not the kind of friends you want staying in your spare room anyway.
And for guests? For the love of all that is good and decent, offer. Even if your host refuses, the offer itself is a gesture of respect. It shows you understand that their generosity isn’t infinite. It shows you’re not a freeloading leech. Because if you can’t manage that, if you can’t even pretend to care about the financial burden you’re imposing, then maybe you should just stay in a hotel. Or, you know, don’t visit at all. Because a friendship that costs one person everything and the other nothing isn’t a friendship. It’s just a bad deal. And frankly, Sarah, you deserve better. We all do.
